New Year

So today I woke up with the motivation to blog. About what I have no idea, so here’s me rambling. The last post, I wrote quite a while ago, with me claiming that was back in the grove blogging and I’d would totally be posting more… Well that didn't really happen. At the time I had felt the writer’s block going away, and a punch of motivation, but it all kind of disappeared the next day.

It’s a new year, I’m here now, and hopefully I’ll be posting again at least two more times this week. I find that when I give myself the deadline or quota to fill it stresses me out and I end up just giving up. So instead I decided to just go with the flow and blog whenever I feel like it.

Its eleven days until my twentieth birthday. Twenty… Two decades, I’m considered vintage on etsy, last year around this time I was not in a good place. Depressed, hopeless, and feeling like a failure at life. This year I am happy, hopeful, and can totally see my bright future.

This year so far, many things have happened. In a turn of events my mother is now able, and most likely will gain full custody of my older, and younger brother. With that custody, we will be moving to Arizona in June, where we will start life fresh. My mom will be with her husband, shall finish nursing school, get her dream job, and my littlest brother will start his first year high school. I plan on living my life to the fullest, and getting healthy. Madison, my sister has chosen to most likely stay in Michigan to start college, and rent an apartment with her longtime boyfriend Ben.

So many years gone by, things change, and things have not, but I’m happy, for the first time in a long time. I see a bright future ahead of me, instead of the black hole I thought I saw most of my teenage years. It’s not depressing anymore to go on Facebook and see people from my past graduating, going to college, getting married, having kids, buying their own house and so on, because I know that coming for me to. I need to work for it, but I’m happy to do so.

My plans and ideas for this year are as follows:

1.    Move with my family to Arizona.

2.    Get a job, someplace that I would like to work.

3.    Go to church every Sunday.

4.     Lose at least 50 pounds.

5.    Travel.

6.    Save practically all my money I make this year.

7.    Eat healthy I.E. organic, natural, GMO free, limited gluten, and no fast food.

8.    Gain a social life, with others my age.

9.    Contemplate future careers, and end up finally settling on one.

10.   Bowel management… (Sadly necessary)

11.   Read at least fifty books by the end of the year.

12.   Be active. Swimming, biking, rollerblading, and other fun activities.

13.   Blog more.

14.   Maybe start college again… Third try the charm hopefully.

15.   Do more art/sewing.

16.   Do more Photography

So what do you think of my little list?

Yes number fourteen says try College again for the third time. Last fall I had gone to NMC, ended up getting overwhelmed, stressed, and then withdrawing from school yet again. I also decided that I don’t want to be a Waldorf teacher. In fact have no idea what I want to be. I wrote down so many different career options, all of which take some amount college, or are unattainable without a fat trust fund. School has always been something I hated, and when I say hate, I mean loathed. In today’s world seems you can’t do anything without a college degree… Blah. Oh well, I will be optimistic and try again. Third time is the charm right?

Question for you readers, how hard is it to learn fluent French? 

To end with some upsetting news. My stepdad went into the ICU, and has been told he has Necrotizing fasciitis. It is a life threatening flesh-eating bacteria. Prayers please!

"I regret those times when I've chosen the dark side. I've wasted enough time not being happy."

-- Jessica Lange

Sorry I was M.I.A.

So what, has it been like four months since I last posted? Oh goodness. Well I'm back again, and hopefully here to stay! So here is what you have missed:


Summer: I moved into my grandparents RV with my sister and our two cats, as my mom, brothers, and three other cats lived in the basement of my grandparents house. Living in this situation lasted about a month or so. Finding a rental in this town is impossible. Ether the rent is crazy, or they don't take any pets. So now my Granddad is living in the RV and is leaving this winter for warmer weather, and Gram is finding an apartment to live in, and my family is taking the house. So I now share the big basement room with my sister. I've not shared a room since like fourth grade, so this is different.

My sister got a chihuahua puppy. A little white and cream colored girl. Naming her took like two weeks. Chloe, Mimi, Luna, Tinkerbell, Lily, and Lola were the names we liked, but could not decide on. We ended up naming her Luna Belle.

I worked as a nanny for an amazing family, but ended up dumping that after about two months. The kids were sweet, the pay was amazing, but I just couldn't keep up. I even ending up lying to the parents that my appendix burst and I had to have emergency surgery, all so I didn't have to tell them I just did not want to work for them anymore. I still feel horrible about it.

My mom brought home some baby raccoon, the mother had be killed by a car. We dropped the baby raccoon off in a box in front of a vet office in the middle of the night.

As of this past month: I started college, flipped and totaled a car, wrote an essay, broke my iphone, got some beautiful henna tattoos, bought a cheap 2,000 dollar car, learned what I need to transfer to uni of Oregon, and started wearing makeup. My classes are great, and I love all my teachers especially my English teacher. Loving life right now.

Anyway I am back and will be posting a least twice a week and hopefully more!

--Emma

"Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world." - George Bernard Shaw 

Music of May

I will be posting the top songs that I have been obsessed with, replaying, and singing out loud too, at the end of every month! So today being the 31st of May its the official first music list! And without further ado here is the month of May's tops songs!

1. Nightswimming AR - By The Finches

2. Heart Attack - By Demi Lovato

3. The whole 'Hello My Name Is...' Album - By Bridgit Mendler

4. Gentlemen - By Daniela Andrade

5. Clouds - By Zach Sobiech

6. I could of Been Your Girl - By She & Him

7. Made in the USA - By Demi Lovato

8. Dirty Paws - By Of Monsters and Men

9. Breathless - By Dan Wilson

10. Woman - Alessi's Ark

I LOVE all these songs, the music, lyrics, everything is just perfect. In other news, my family and I are being evicted from are rental house. The crazy landlord lady lives right next door, and just guess what her reason for evicting us is...yeah, because we didn't mow the lawn, and we don't make use of the yard...she also thinks we have a dog, which we don't, she told my mother to check in the closets and drawers cause she is sure we are hiding a dog in the house...Nutcase! Finding a rental is mission impossible in the town I live in, so we are probably moving in with our grandparents in a few weeks, just for the summer. I'm not complaining, we wont have to pay any rent, and its a cute house. Well that's all for now!

--Emma

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. - Henry David Thoreau 

Music, Lyrics, and Poems...oh my!

So I have taken a stab at writing lyrics. The thing is, I don't play any interments, I have no idea how to read music, and my singing voice can peal paint off walls. I remember learning how to write poetry in elementary school, the thing is I remember learning it, but no how to do it, and even with a few Google searches, and some how-to's, I don't think poetry is the thing for me. Sure I can read it, and I can normally understand the meaning and symbolism behind most poems, but to actually try and write one myself...

Anyway back to writing lyrics. The whole reason I want to, is because I love music, and lyrics are the best part of a song. So without farther ado, here is some snippets of a few random verses. Bare in mind this is a first try ladies and gentlemen.

- I don't remember so many things
- But looking at a photograph
- Brings back so many forgotten memories
==============================
- I don't want to grow up
- But I don't want to be a kid
- If I had known what I know now
- Things would have turned out differently
==============================
- He has lightning eyes, and prefect dark hair
- His smile gives me butterflies, and brings static into the air
==============================
- As I grew up
- I learned a lot of things
- How to tie my own shoes
- Wash my own hair
- That people lie
- And you should never stare.
==============================
- I see the stars
- They shine so bright
- All the little things
- Make me cry
- For everything is beautiful
- Even me and you
- With all are evils and bad manners
- A smile can light up the whole world
==============================
- I flew through the trees
- On the wings of an eagle
- And he sat next to me
- His eyes sparkling and gleaming
- For this was a magnificent dream
- With just he and I
==============================

And there you have it. What do you think?

- Emma

"Hope" is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul

And sings the tune without the words

And never stops at all

- Emily Dickinson

Living All Around

So I have lived in six states since I was born. from coast to coast, from border to border. I've lived in California,  Arizona, Michigan, Oregon, South Carolina, and Texas. Rural, suburban, and urban, I've lived in it all. With all of the places I have lived, I can honestly say Oregon was the best. For what reason I don't exactly know, maybe since my last year of childhood was spent there, maybe for the beauty, or just because of the feeling and memories of being there are so magical. I can also say I love to live in a rural area, or at least on a huge property full of adventure and nature.

I have loved moving form place to place. I've never really had roots, because home was where my family is, and they were always with me. The closest thing to family home kinda thing, is my grandparents camper, that they have had forever, and I love that old thing, even though it smells like cigarette smoke. Every place I have lived has had the good and the bad. I don remember to much of California, because I was way to little, but I can vividly remember all the other places.

Thought the best place was Oregon, my grandparents old home in Arizona was the most magical property in the world. From the in ground pool, big deep red bathtub, dog graveyard, old Indian well, javelina pigs, the wash, the saguaro cactus skeleton, granddads workshop garage, the huge in door planter under an amazingly big skylight, the sun made ice tea, the large fireplace, all of the kokopelli, owl, and native american decor, and all of the little memories. It was such a marvelous place.

I have lived in Michigan the longest, all over the pinky area, and also for a very short while in East Lansing. Michigan is pretty, but I'm not a fan of snow or tourist season. I love the lakes and that a lot of my family lives around here, but one of my dreams is to leave this place as quick as I can, Its just kinda claustrophobic here. I will miss cheese shop, blue moon ice cream, family, and the lakes, but that's basically it for Michigan.

South Carolina does not have my kinda weather, humid is a major hate of mine, but the ocean is lovely and warm compared to the west coast waters I've swam in. And southern people are great, the accents are cute. South Carolina is more of a vacation place for me, then a place to live, more then a month there and I'm over it, but maybe that's just myrtle beach area. Cookie cutter neighborhoods are not my cup of tea. Nor is all of the strip clubs, mini golf courses, and beach shops.

I was only in Texas for less then half a year. Hurricane Ike hit and that was absolutely terrible, without power for almost a month, and I had no idea how to make friends in my first year of high school. I learned the hard way that high school is nothing like TV. So other than all that and misquotes the size of baseballs it was rather nice. The house was huge and cheap!

I like to move around but in the future once I have a family of my own, I don't want to move them around, I want my future children to have a 'hometown' and familiar surroundings. I do hope to have lots of fun vacations with them in new places though.

--Emma

"Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them." - A. A. Milne 

A Letter to Mom

Dear Mom,

I'm writing this letter to explain how much I love you, and appreciate everything you do for me. Your birthday, and mothers day have pasted; Christmas is far away, but I just wanted to write this out, for you and for myself.

From the day I was born you have been there for me. I know with me as a daughter, you have gone through a lot, learned so much, and sacrificed so much.  From my medical problems, and learning disabilities, to me not being a soccer player, and me being one of the most unrealistic dreamers out there. You were there for everything: First day of school, softball games, surgeries, my school plays, appointments, the good days, the bad days, learning to drive, my first concert, my baptism, first apartment, getting my GED, and so much more.

You are the reason I am here, and that I am a whole person. You have helped me with everything, from the small stuff like buying me tissues for when I have a cold, to the big stuff like motivating me to live my life, and just be happy. You have taught me so much, to walk, talk, whistle, cook, clean, and that even when there are dark clouds all around you, you have to fight and stay strong!

You are the bravest, strongest person I know. I love that I have your beautiful green eyes, and pretty dark brown hair. I love that even thought you are tomboy, you still are girly at heart, from loving pink, to looking lovely in a dress.

A lot of people claim they have the best mom out there, but they are wrong, because you are not there mom.  You are my mom, and all I can say to sum it up is 'Thank You'.

Love

--Emma

"The person who has inspired me my whole life is my Mom, because she taught me commitment. She sacrificed." - Mike Krzyzewski 

I'm Back!! Updates on Life!

So I have not posted in over a week! I know, I know, so sorry! I was sick, and way to lazy to get on my computer to do anything, not to mention blog. Anyway I am back now.  Did you miss me, cause I missed you!

So I missed posting for mothers day, and I really wanted to dedicate a long heartfelt post to my mom. So I will be doing that for this coming Monday instead.

I've been spring cleaning, painting, and gardening for the last three or four days. I pretty sure I have a dust allergy, and that I have a spider infestation in my house. I captured one of the spiders and spent a time on Google identifying the creepy crawly. I have come to the conclusion that the spiders in my house are 'Long-legged Sac Spiders'. My sister Madison has arachnophobia, so this is even worse then it already sounds, any idea's how to exterminate the spiders naturally, with have pets, and my brother Henry has asthma, so chemicals are a bad idea.

Loving my acrylic nails, there pink and sparkly at the moment. I have gotten used to having them, and I haven't bitten my nails since I got them on! Go Me!

I really want to go shopping so bad, for clothes and shoes mainly, a new thrift store opened a few days ago and I went in to have a look, they carry my size, and everything that is being sold there I would totally wear! Its like the most amazing store ever! Everything is really cheap to, because its a resale shop!

I have discovered, Demi Lovato, and Bridgit Mendler music! I never thought I would like another Disney channel singer, after all I stopped watching that channel years ago. Hilary Duff was and forever will be my idol though, also Aly & AJ are great to.

Feeling super happy lately, I want to join the national bone marrow registry  but I have hypothyroidism, some unidentified autoimmune disease, and I am way to overweight. I wonder can I even donate blood? I'm O- so universal donor right?

Thinking of going on a photography walk through down town, but I like to take photos of people rather then building and nature. Madison is normally my model for any of my photo shoots, but I have gotten Henry to do it twice. Hmmm...

--Emma

"But I am not going to live for ever. And the more I know it, the more amazed I am by being here at all."  - William Hurt