Music of May

I will be posting the top songs that I have been obsessed with, replaying, and singing out loud too, at the end of every month! So today being the 31st of May its the official first music list! And without further ado here is the month of May's tops songs!

1. Nightswimming AR - By The Finches

2. Heart Attack - By Demi Lovato

3. The whole 'Hello My Name Is...' Album - By Bridgit Mendler

4. Gentlemen - By Daniela Andrade

5. Clouds - By Zach Sobiech

6. I could of Been Your Girl - By She & Him

7. Made in the USA - By Demi Lovato

8. Dirty Paws - By Of Monsters and Men

9. Breathless - By Dan Wilson

10. Woman - Alessi's Ark

I LOVE all these songs, the music, lyrics, everything is just perfect. In other news, my family and I are being evicted from are rental house. The crazy landlord lady lives right next door, and just guess what her reason for evicting us is...yeah, because we didn't mow the lawn, and we don't make use of the yard...she also thinks we have a dog, which we don't, she told my mother to check in the closets and drawers cause she is sure we are hiding a dog in the house...Nutcase! Finding a rental is mission impossible in the town I live in, so we are probably moving in with our grandparents in a few weeks, just for the summer. I'm not complaining, we wont have to pay any rent, and its a cute house. Well that's all for now!

--Emma

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. - Henry David Thoreau 

Music, Lyrics, and Poems...oh my!

So I have taken a stab at writing lyrics. The thing is, I don't play any interments, I have no idea how to read music, and my singing voice can peal paint off walls. I remember learning how to write poetry in elementary school, the thing is I remember learning it, but no how to do it, and even with a few Google searches, and some how-to's, I don't think poetry is the thing for me. Sure I can read it, and I can normally understand the meaning and symbolism behind most poems, but to actually try and write one myself...

Anyway back to writing lyrics. The whole reason I want to, is because I love music, and lyrics are the best part of a song. So without farther ado, here is some snippets of a few random verses. Bare in mind this is a first try ladies and gentlemen.

- I don't remember so many things
- But looking at a photograph
- Brings back so many forgotten memories
==============================
- I don't want to grow up
- But I don't want to be a kid
- If I had known what I know now
- Things would have turned out differently
==============================
- He has lightning eyes, and prefect dark hair
- His smile gives me butterflies, and brings static into the air
==============================
- As I grew up
- I learned a lot of things
- How to tie my own shoes
- Wash my own hair
- That people lie
- And you should never stare.
==============================
- I see the stars
- They shine so bright
- All the little things
- Make me cry
- For everything is beautiful
- Even me and you
- With all are evils and bad manners
- A smile can light up the whole world
==============================
- I flew through the trees
- On the wings of an eagle
- And he sat next to me
- His eyes sparkling and gleaming
- For this was a magnificent dream
- With just he and I
==============================

And there you have it. What do you think?

- Emma

"Hope" is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul

And sings the tune without the words

And never stops at all

- Emily Dickinson

Living All Around

So I have lived in six states since I was born. from coast to coast, from border to border. I've lived in California,  Arizona, Michigan, Oregon, South Carolina, and Texas. Rural, suburban, and urban, I've lived in it all. With all of the places I have lived, I can honestly say Oregon was the best. For what reason I don't exactly know, maybe since my last year of childhood was spent there, maybe for the beauty, or just because of the feeling and memories of being there are so magical. I can also say I love to live in a rural area, or at least on a huge property full of adventure and nature.

I have loved moving form place to place. I've never really had roots, because home was where my family is, and they were always with me. The closest thing to family home kinda thing, is my grandparents camper, that they have had forever, and I love that old thing, even though it smells like cigarette smoke. Every place I have lived has had the good and the bad. I don remember to much of California, because I was way to little, but I can vividly remember all the other places.

Thought the best place was Oregon, my grandparents old home in Arizona was the most magical property in the world. From the in ground pool, big deep red bathtub, dog graveyard, old Indian well, javelina pigs, the wash, the saguaro cactus skeleton, granddads workshop garage, the huge in door planter under an amazingly big skylight, the sun made ice tea, the large fireplace, all of the kokopelli, owl, and native american decor, and all of the little memories. It was such a marvelous place.

I have lived in Michigan the longest, all over the pinky area, and also for a very short while in East Lansing. Michigan is pretty, but I'm not a fan of snow or tourist season. I love the lakes and that a lot of my family lives around here, but one of my dreams is to leave this place as quick as I can, Its just kinda claustrophobic here. I will miss cheese shop, blue moon ice cream, family, and the lakes, but that's basically it for Michigan.

South Carolina does not have my kinda weather, humid is a major hate of mine, but the ocean is lovely and warm compared to the west coast waters I've swam in. And southern people are great, the accents are cute. South Carolina is more of a vacation place for me, then a place to live, more then a month there and I'm over it, but maybe that's just myrtle beach area. Cookie cutter neighborhoods are not my cup of tea. Nor is all of the strip clubs, mini golf courses, and beach shops.

I was only in Texas for less then half a year. Hurricane Ike hit and that was absolutely terrible, without power for almost a month, and I had no idea how to make friends in my first year of high school. I learned the hard way that high school is nothing like TV. So other than all that and misquotes the size of baseballs it was rather nice. The house was huge and cheap!

I like to move around but in the future once I have a family of my own, I don't want to move them around, I want my future children to have a 'hometown' and familiar surroundings. I do hope to have lots of fun vacations with them in new places though.

--Emma

"Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them." - A. A. Milne 

A Letter to Mom

Dear Mom,

I'm writing this letter to explain how much I love you, and appreciate everything you do for me. Your birthday, and mothers day have pasted; Christmas is far away, but I just wanted to write this out, for you and for myself.

From the day I was born you have been there for me. I know with me as a daughter, you have gone through a lot, learned so much, and sacrificed so much.  From my medical problems, and learning disabilities, to me not being a soccer player, and me being one of the most unrealistic dreamers out there. You were there for everything: First day of school, softball games, surgeries, my school plays, appointments, the good days, the bad days, learning to drive, my first concert, my baptism, first apartment, getting my GED, and so much more.

You are the reason I am here, and that I am a whole person. You have helped me with everything, from the small stuff like buying me tissues for when I have a cold, to the big stuff like motivating me to live my life, and just be happy. You have taught me so much, to walk, talk, whistle, cook, clean, and that even when there are dark clouds all around you, you have to fight and stay strong!

You are the bravest, strongest person I know. I love that I have your beautiful green eyes, and pretty dark brown hair. I love that even thought you are tomboy, you still are girly at heart, from loving pink, to looking lovely in a dress.

A lot of people claim they have the best mom out there, but they are wrong, because you are not there mom.  You are my mom, and all I can say to sum it up is 'Thank You'.

Love

--Emma

"The person who has inspired me my whole life is my Mom, because she taught me commitment. She sacrificed." - Mike Krzyzewski 

I'm Back!! Updates on Life!

So I have not posted in over a week! I know, I know, so sorry! I was sick, and way to lazy to get on my computer to do anything, not to mention blog. Anyway I am back now.  Did you miss me, cause I missed you!

So I missed posting for mothers day, and I really wanted to dedicate a long heartfelt post to my mom. So I will be doing that for this coming Monday instead.

I've been spring cleaning, painting, and gardening for the last three or four days. I pretty sure I have a dust allergy, and that I have a spider infestation in my house. I captured one of the spiders and spent a time on Google identifying the creepy crawly. I have come to the conclusion that the spiders in my house are 'Long-legged Sac Spiders'. My sister Madison has arachnophobia, so this is even worse then it already sounds, any idea's how to exterminate the spiders naturally, with have pets, and my brother Henry has asthma, so chemicals are a bad idea.

Loving my acrylic nails, there pink and sparkly at the moment. I have gotten used to having them, and I haven't bitten my nails since I got them on! Go Me!

I really want to go shopping so bad, for clothes and shoes mainly, a new thrift store opened a few days ago and I went in to have a look, they carry my size, and everything that is being sold there I would totally wear! Its like the most amazing store ever! Everything is really cheap to, because its a resale shop!

I have discovered, Demi Lovato, and Bridgit Mendler music! I never thought I would like another Disney channel singer, after all I stopped watching that channel years ago. Hilary Duff was and forever will be my idol though, also Aly & AJ are great to.

Feeling super happy lately, I want to join the national bone marrow registry  but I have hypothyroidism, some unidentified autoimmune disease, and I am way to overweight. I wonder can I even donate blood? I'm O- so universal donor right?

Thinking of going on a photography walk through down town, but I like to take photos of people rather then building and nature. Madison is normally my model for any of my photo shoots, but I have gotten Henry to do it twice. Hmmm...

--Emma

"But I am not going to live for ever. And the more I know it, the more amazed I am by being here at all."  - William Hurt 

Bad Habits

Breaking bad habits is really hard. I bite my nails all the time, and I bite them so short until they bleed. So that is a terrible thing right? Well I have always wanted to stop, but have never been able to. I've been biting them pretty much my whole life, its like my own little addiction. I hate it and its almost like I do it without even thinking. I've done the whole paint my nails so its gross tasting when I try to bite them, but nail polish doesn't stop me. So this week, lets say this month I have made it my goal to not bite my nails at all. This is much harder then I thought it would be.

I went to a nail salon, had acrylic nails put on, with the crazy strong super glue and stuff, just so it would make it so I cant chew on my fingers. Let me tell you if I had not done that, I don't think I could go longer then maybe three days without freaking out and biting them. It makes me wonder how hard it must be for people who smoke, drink, or have drug addictions. It must be a millions times harder then my nail biting issue. So hats off to anyone who has beat there addiction, I think that makes you and great strong person. My mom has been smoking since she was a teenager, but she quite three months ago, and I think she is amazing to be able to beat such a hard addiction.

I also wish I could get in the routine of having better habits. Like keeping my room clean, flossing more, following a skin care regimen, making my bed every morning, washing my makeup off before I go to bed, shaving my legs every time I shower instead of like once every three weeks... don't judge me...I think its just as hard starting good habits, as breaking bad ones, at least for me it is.

In other news I have started working! Not in like a real job, but I made a care.com profile and have started doing so babysitting jobs. Let me tell you two year old boys are the best! Every time I come home from babysitting I just wish I had my own kids and family. For those of you who don't know, I want six kids, hopefully three girls and three boys. Anytime I tell someone that, they give me this look as if I'm crazy. I want an even number, but more then four, yet less then eight, so six is perfect.

--Emma

"Life is meant to be a celebration! It shouldn't be necessary to set aside special times to remind us of this fact. Wise is the person who finds a reason to make every day a special one." - Leo Buscaglia 

Tunnel of Trees - A Short Story

I'm running through a tunnel of trees, the sun raining through the canopy in beams of light. The leaves come in all bright shades of green and yellow. The path I am running on, is the softest green grass one will ever feel on there feet. The tree tunnel is short, much to short for grownups to come in, unless they were to crawl, but grownups never come here; yet it is perfect for my friends and I, us being only young children. The smell of flowers, moss, and late morning dew flows through the air, and you can here the laughter and pitter-patter of my friends and I running through the tunnel. This is a memory, or maybe just a dream, but when was a dream ever so vivid?

I wear a white dress, its in the style you only see in old black a white photos, my hair in two braids, with powder pink ribbons on each end. My friends, two boys, are the same age as me, and they are also dressed in clothing from the past. So this must be a dream, but it feel so much like its something I'm remembering, like it has happened before.

As we run, I am just a bit faster then the boys, and we are all laughing happily. We have been running for a long time, but my friends and I are not at all out of breath or tired, and this happy run has turned into a lighthearted race. We hear the grown up, are parents, calling for us to come back. For we have been gone a long while. We can hear them hollering for us, but we ignore them, because it is a race now, and we all want to win. All this time we have been running, but have not really gotten anywhere, yet we don't seem to notice, and even if we did, we wouldn't care.

Through this whole dream or memory, what ever it is, it has been beautiful, sunny, happy, and peaceful. Thought very slowly, as we run so fast the trees seem to blur together, the sky starts to darken, as if a big cloud has gone and blocked the sun. With the slow but sudden darkening, something to the right caches my eye, and right at that moment I stop laughing with my friends. To my right looks to be a shadow of a abnormally skinny dog running beside us, but there is no dog for the shadow to come from, and the paws of the shadow are floating in midair, with no connection to anything.

We run faster now, frightened. The dog shadow runs faster as if chasing us, and I could swear I heard a growl from behind me. We are to afraid to turn back or stop running away, so we keep going as fast as we can. The boy on my right trips and falls to the ground. The other boy and I keep running, as tears start to run down my cheeks. I look back as I run to see if I can see the fallen boy, but he is gone. Then I look to my left to see the boy running with me, but he is also gone. I'm alone in this tunnel of trees that seems to have no end. The shadow dog is not alone anymore, it is now joined by two other ominous shadow dogs. I am distressed, and crying while I run as fast as I possibly can, for what seems like forever. Still oddly I am not out of breath or tired.

I stumble a little, and look to my side again, the shadow dogs are gone, and up ahead I see a dark gap on the right. I run to the gap remembering that this was where my friends and I would always come to play, are secret nook in the tunnel of trees, it had never taken this long to get here before. All of the treasures and toys that my friends kept in this nook are gone, only my thing remain. My old box full of marbles, pretty postcards, and shiny coins.

I wanted to go home, but i was afraid to go back the way I came. I could ether stay in the nook where I was alone, or keep going ahead, but my friends and I had never gone past the secret nook. I was frightened to go back, to stay, and to go ahead. I sat and cried as it got darker.

I got up and brushed the dirt from my dress now stained from the grass, and started running ahead, into the unknown.  -The End-
........................
This is a dream that I have had a few times throughout my life, and every time I wake up from it, I feel a kind of sadness. I view the dream through the eyes of this girl, so I don't know if this girl is really me or not, the clothing and hair are nothing like mine, and she is only like nine years old in this dream. It seems like a memory and plays in my mind like a short beautiful film. I think there is some symbolism in it, about growing up, and the loss of your childhood days, but there is a lot more to it. What do you think?

........................
--Emma (P.S. - all photography on my blog is by me. Except for the family photo a few post back.)

"The knowledge that makes us cherish innocence, makes innocence unattainable." - Irving Howe

Friday List - Best Clothing Stores

Best Clothing Stores

1. Anthropologie

2. Forever 21

3. Charlotte Russe

4. Modcloth

5. Target

6. Free People

7. Nordstrom

8. Dorothy Perkins

9. Boden USA

10. Kohls


I love to shop! Clothes and shoes being what I spend most my money on. This is just a list of stores that I love, whether for there deals or just the amazingly beautiful clothes they sell. What are you favorite stores to shop for clothes at? I like skirts and dresses best, ruffles, lace, pastel colors, and just really feminine kinda style, but I also really like simple pretty pieces. I love clothes, but sadly a lot of the thing I like on a mannequin I don't like on me, or things I really love don't come in my size, but I am working on that problem! One day I will be able to wear whatever I want, and love how I look in it.

--Emma

"I'd rather have roses on my table, than diamonds on my neck." - Emma Goldman 

Dolores - A Short Story

I sat there on the train, with my mother and four sisters, sitting in the cramped train compartment with me. My youngest sisters Mary and Amanda sat quiet and still. It would have been a kind of miracle, with them not being loud and restless, but there was reason for it. My father together with Uncle Thomas had died, and my family and I where on the train heading to the funeral. 

Mary had only just turned seven, and was now fatherless. Bridget the oldest, would not have a father to walk her down the isle, nor would any of us; but out of all of us sitting here together silently, Mother was hit the hardest with the death of father. She sat with little Amanda in her lap, as she stared blankly out the foggy window, at the raining world. My beautiful mothers face, was blank, emotionless, she looked so much more fragile, and old then I had ever seen her. More then the time when her brother, Uncle Peter, lost his arm and most of his sanity to the war; more then when the family dog Kipper died, and even more when she had had the miscarriage last winter.

Irene sat next to me, fiddling with her tear soaked handkerchief. She was older then me by two years, but she cried more then anyone I had ever seen. I had not cried a single tear, and that made me feel guilty. I was more sad of the fact that Uncle Thomas was dead, then my own father. Bridget told me I was in shock, that I would cry when I understood, and fathers death dawned on me. The thing was it had dawned on me. Father was dead, gone forever, and never coming back. All that was left behind of him was debt, five fatherless daughters, a widow, and his body, that would quickly rot in the ground, only to leave some bones. 

I had spent most of the eight hour train ride thinking about it all, trying to find something that made me feel the least bit sad, something for me to grieve. All that came to mind were the times he hit my mother in a drunken rage, the time he cut of all of little Mary's long red hair, yelling that he only wanted sons, the time he whipped Irene because she was five minutes late coming home, when he killed Amanda's pet rabbit in front of her, when he locked Bridget in the barn all night because she ruined his shirt. That even without a drink in him he was a demon to his family. I remember the day her broke my arm, burned my doll in the fireplace. With all that and much more, I could not comprehend why any of my family shed tears for him. I traced 'Dolores', my name into the condensation on the window.

The train finally pulled into the station, it was late at night and there was no moon in the sky, but oh so many stars glimmering. Mother carried little sleeping Mary, as we walked to the Inn, along the muddy road. Tomorrow was the funeral. I didn't sleep, neither did Bridget, we just laid in the bed until it was morning, listening to Irene's little sleepy mumbles and Amanda's soft snores.  

The sun came up, and we dressed in are black dresses and shoes. Irene, and Amanda would not stop they blubbering. Bridget and Mother put on there brave faces as they consoled the girls. We made are why to the graveyard for the service, I saw my uncles, aunts, and cousins gathered around the caskets. Everyone looked so sad and pitiful. Songs were sung, people cried as they said goodbye. Mary and Amanda placed flowers on top of the casket, mother kissed the casket leaving behind a pink kiss mark. Irene patted the top of it and burst into tears, running off towards the church, and Bridget seemed to whisper her goodbye into the cold air. I stood there, wanting to be that last person, as all of the people walked back to the church, I still stood there to say my goodbyes.

"I hated you...I loved you. You were are terrible dad, and husband...Just a horrible person altogether, but you were my father. How do I forgive you? Even though you are dead, and its all over. You were the one that did all those things to us, and it seems the have ether all forgotten, or all have somehow forgiven you. I will never forgive you, but I will forget you. I will never think about you again, not a good or bad thought...Goodbye." I said looking up at the sunny cloudless sky. I walked back to the church, to my family, as one tear slid down my cheek into the green grass. I will never know if the tear was of joy... or sorrow.

.......

'Dolores' is a short story I wrote in the summer of 2011. I found it in a note book full of a bunch of my old writing. Its rather sad, I admit, but I like it for what it is trying to say. What is your opinion or interpretation of it?

--Emma

"Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." - Hannah More

Am I Ordinary?

I have never consider myself to be normal, or an average person. From the way that I think, to what I look like, from the day I was born. I don't know what its like in the minds of other people, but I have always thought that my mind must work differently, seeing how others make choices and prioritize there life, the different personalities, cultures, and morals. I must be very diffident from everyone else.  I sometimes don't understand how some people come to the conclusions that they do, or how they like certain things.

I was born different and have always been different,  but in the end everyone is unique and different,  and as the saying goes 'no two minds think alike.' I love and hate that statement,  because its wonderful that everyone is different and odd in there own way, yet I sometimes wish every person could think the same as me, to understand one another completely, to feel the same.

I think about a lot of things. I have many questions on why, how, and what. Some of these questions will go unanswered, but other I will some day know the answer to. I envision my future, all the time the many paths I can choose to walk down, where I end up is a mystery, but I have hope that it will turn out as I want. My dreams could be the same as yours or completely contrary.

In the end everyone is perfect, and no one is ordinary, because everyone has a least one quark. I have hundreds myself, and without them I would not be me.

--Emma

"If there's any message to my work, it is ultimately that it's OK to be different, that it's good to be different, that we should question ourselves before we pass judgment on someone who looks different, behaves different, talks different, is a different color." - Johnny Depp